Explaining the Situation

People who I talk to all the time, friends, colleagues, family members, are well aware of the journey with Brenda. They've heard the ups and downs and may even read this blog, but it's such an interesting experience when I talk with someone I haven't seen in a while--someone who may or may not know about Brenda at all.

As soon as I start explaining some of the things she's done, like the incessant peeing and pooping, the barking at all hours of the night, the bites, the fighting with the other dogs, the horrendous walks outside and simply trying to exist in this unkind world, I always end up offering explanations.

And within those explanations comes an insight and a reason for all this. I do it because I'm compelled to. Simple as that. There are days I wish she were dead, despite moments within those days that are blissful.

I have had points of hope along this entire journey and my current beacon is the Buspar, which is going to hit its highest dose in two weeks. After that happens, and given the highest dose isn't a cure-all, time is the only hope there is left. I'm not sure how long that's going to keep me going.

Then I think of where Brenda came from and the last year she's had here. I think she's finally found comfort and is happy. That's all I can hope for her at this point. Contentment may never come.